realization: sleep

i think, upon rising after toiling in the guts of an exploded feather pillow (don't ask), that i've nailed down what happened to my oh-so-regular sleeping patterns. Sure, the new place with it's new sounds and new everything have diminshed my comfort to next to nothing. I grant you that. i grant me that.

but, it's been deeper than that too. the night terrors which haunted me most life then subsided returned, though they are mostly in check now. the cat/kitten thing. yeah. the other stuff accumulated makes reasonable reasons. reason-able reasons y0.

maybe it is all that stuff, and surely some of it is. but what i think changed is me and my outlook on sleep.

for years, i've carried on as i liked when it came to sleep. i was never short of sleep, and oft times sacrificed wonderous gifts to the alter of sleep, so to speak. but, my attitude was: sleep when you are tired and wake when you aren't.

this, inevitably, lead to what i call sleep crawl. in which, the human body wants to be awake say 18 hours (more or less depending on the body) and still wants 8 hours sleep, equalling an unattainable 26 hour day.

we can't have 26 hours in an earth day even if we think we should. i think we should. shift workers may disagree.

so, my timetables would crawl all over the clock, out two hours every day. for a while, i thought, no big thing, they will just rotate around till they are what i want again, but no one want's to wake up at sunset and go to bed at 10am. and thus i concocted the most evil of plans.

it was elegant in it's simplicity and having only now, in a thunk like an american heart when they realize gwbush has stolen back to back elections, remembered it i felt it opportune to invoke it here. the system, a derivitive of the sleep when you are tired, wake when you aren't works thusly:

1. stay awake till you are very tired. whatever time that is, it's cool. god has your back brother.
2. get up at the same time everyday (used to be noon for me, that ol' body clock never requiring help) regardless of when you went to bed.
3. rinse
4. bed a virgin
5. repeat

the rhythm of this system was, the crawl would still occur but you would run it out of town every second or third day because the 2-3 hours of shortened sleep on the inbetween nights would catch up to you. Night one, assuming a good rest the previous night, you may wake for 18-20 hours. hit the sack for 4-6. The next night, depreciated as you are, you may wake 14-16 and hit the sake for 6-8, or more. whatever.

you make no allowences for disruption. fatigue. meetings. crying kittens. meowing shells. you sleep when you are tired, wake when at the same time. NO MATTER WHAT. and after a year or so, you can do it all without the aid of annoying radio announcers welcoming you into bad jokes and another day. or i could, at least.

now, the etymology of my problem here is simple. I got so deprived of sleep, for a period, where those regulating nights were bereft of meaningful rest and lost thier regulating shine. So in a desperate grab at sleep i would go to bed earlier, stay in bed longer (not sleeping), resting my body enough fatigue could not take me, but never quite topping up the brain.

having realized this now, i'm up. up for whatever time it takes before i feel i might die before i rest again. then up tomorrow at 1 (one hour forgivness to sort this out till i can roll it back to my fall hours of 11am) regardless if i go to bed at 12:45pm. cuz, tomorrow night, when sleep slips its hand up my thigh, i will be ready for it, and wailing cats, thunking toliets and exploding pillows won't do nothing to stop it.

and if they do somehow warp my system then the rules are in effect. eventually, my ryhthm will be restored unto me like job and the golden apple. or whatever. maybe it was a son. or pride.

but, i'm tired of one thing already. i'm tired of spending half a day in bed only to get 4 hours shitty sleep. my neck is tired of it. my brain is tired of it. and now, having a mental poop thus lodging free the knowledge, we can all rest easy again.