Wednesday, November 10, 2004

doh

i took about a week off riding. only a week. and i get on the bike today and realized i had lost much of what i had already built up. in a week.

what a bunch of crap.

Posted by ruzz on November 10, 2004 at 02:13 PM in one bad idea begets another | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Thursday, November 04, 2004

osama's pajamas.

what if we all just slide on a pair of osama's pajamas. lions and tigers, infidels and teeny tiny explosives. i want mine to be green and blue.

there are so many liberals whinging about the election. seriously people, get over it. it's not like the leafs won the cup or the hip broke up. American's got what they overwhelmingly wanted. and so to did at least 2/3rds of "that 70s commune".

we are celebrating up here with vigorous discussion about the impending decline of the fascist states of america. i say give 'em eight more years of bush if thats what it takes to run this horrible experiment we call the US into the ground.

i say give them 10 more years and i will help load the weapons for all the young breadbasket boys who are going off to die in unknown lands for over-production needs a new market sensabilities.

I want the US to falter. i want it to tumble crumble and come apart at the seams. i want the world to unite and say by electing bush you clearly can't be trusted with your liberty so we are taking it from you.

isn't that what bush told the government of iraq?

the fun has only begun kids, and i say bring it on. i hope they invade, plunder, lie, steal, take the vote from women, abolish abortion and make not reading the bible a capital punishment. I sincerly do.

then americans who don't have a voice will decide to either get one or go somewhere more like their beliefs.

and, like a room full of KKK with no poor black kids around to lynch, they will have to feed on themselves.

can't wait till china or russia pop in with a "uhm, sorry cowboy" when bush oversteps his place.

anyone who really thinks the US controls the balance of world power is blind. and possibly stupid.

nothing is ever what it seems. true power never shows it's masters.

when will we learn.
moreover, who fuckin cares.

i got one life and i'm damned if i'm spending it mourning the loss of a liberal majority illusion.

liberals need to die.

kerry thanking the "kids for kerry".
you fuckin puss.

what a swell guy. a nice guy.
the world needed attilla the fuckin hun.
they needed someone who wasn't a puss to get up and call bush and right wing americas shit.

but, you know--if they did that, they wouldnt be democrats. or liberals.

i doubt that concept makes any sense to most of you.

Posted by ruzz on November 4, 2004 at 11:53 PM in one bad idea begets another | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

wheeling through the night.

last night, somewhere around 2am i had a sense i should quit up for the night. just throw it in. but, i am desperately trying to get caught back up and pushed. because when you are behind, then lose more time, you have to focus to get just as far behind as you were. silly, i know.

so i kept going. was teetering on the edge of completion..

and then i deleted a couple hundred lines of code, thinking it wasn't for this module, and continued to work for a while. then i realized it was for this module. and realized i just made a HUGE effin mistake. So of course, in a panic i tried to fix it.

and made it worse.
broke the app pretty bad.

and still tired, still freaking out, i tried to fix it more.
and made it worse still.

so realizing that i was destorying hard work, i quit.

and watched a bit of shrek 2.

then went to bed but couldnt sleep
because my brain was like
wtf is happening to make that broken
and i lay and think about it for an hour

which, as you know isnt sleep.
but yeah.

so the moral of this story is
its wrong to push yourself too far.
or something stupid.
i got bored writing this.

Posted by ruzz on November 4, 2004 at 01:57 PM in one bad idea begets another | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Saturday, October 16, 2004

not a good idea

maybe watching the quasi-raged filled walking tall --which is comedy when paid close attention to, and just raw violence when viewed out of the corner of your eye-- and reading the darkest part of tietam brown when feeling a bit lonely isn't a good idea.

i'm feeling a bit depressed. 1,631 reasons to feel like things aren't quite what they could be.

realizing, movies about rage, books about rage, and how it can be inexorably linked to the power of the human spirit to fight back when put upon, makes me realize something in our very judeo-christian world has changed. for the worse.

used to be a time, being part of being a man meant not allowing yourself to be trod upon. having dignity even if the cost was pain, suffering or regret. now, in an "must always be right" slanted world, we have to be all mamby-pamby and talk everything out. because that's the right thing to do, even when it isn't. That's the right thing to say you did, even when it isn't.

so in an effort to be right, and good, two useless values, we have sold an essential --as old as humankind-- strength down the proverbial river. we have unconsciously absconded from the post of watcher of our own safety and unable to test our own limits, we presume them to come much closer to failing than might really be true.

unincumbered by societies leash, they tell us the world would quickly evaporate into chaos. but, i can't think of anything more chaotic than six billion humans trying to be right all the time, at any cost, and suffering a modern case of "the waning self esteem" which is only an extension of "the waning knowledge of your self" anyway.

could you explain to me how one can know that they can count on themselves in a crunch they plasticize every incident that might lead them to find that out? it's simply impossible.

seems our nature is to fill in a blank with a much darker, shorter, and failed answer. Can i protect myself, stand up for myself, know when my dignity is on the line i will be able to overcome my fear and do what i need to do? I don't know because i've head off the small things where i could've learnt about myself, so i would have to say, if i can't handle those i surely must'nt be able to handle the really big ones. or so, i think the thinking might go.

life, is meant to be lived, explored and above all experienced. nothing in being right lends itself to these things. being right is the quintessential anti-life motion. being wrong, on the other hand, allows one to learn, grow, change and all of those things support life.

no one can deal with their big problems anymore, because we've mastered running from our small ones. what a shame to have this fierce blood in our veins only to let it run cold in the hum-drum of societal complicity.

a shame indeed.

Posted by ruzz on October 16, 2004 at 04:04 AM in one bad idea begets another | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack