Friday, August 13, 2004

parable three

there was a man
who was very very tired
and lacking the juices of life that
kept his internal organs from clanging together
and he was tired

and god saw this and said
"shit, i guess i do exist after all"

and all was good.

but that very very tired man
he put his head to his pillow
pulled his star wars blankey to his neck
and could not sleep

even very very tired
he could not sleep.

all was not good

and he could not sleep because
his tooth ached
and his mind raced
and his heart beat
and his tummy groweled
and his loins did loin like stuff

even when the man was very very tired
he was pigheaded
maybe more so
maybe less so
but so.

and he refused to get up
and he tried to shove that
stinking aching tooth into his head
and call a pit stop for his brain
and breath deep for his heart
and point out his pudgy belly to his tummy
and thought about baseball for his loins
though he hated baseball
almost as much as he hated bush

not that kind of bush.

but still he got up
and it was 4:27 in the am.
which stands for "am" i still awake

to which he said
i am.
and god blinked
and the alarm clock blinked
and his heart beat
and his mind raced
and his tummy growled
and his loins

well.. his loins didn't do much
because God was watching
and he was very very afraid of being smote
his cousin bruce was smote
with a motorcycle
just the once
and he never
got back up

so best to keep God and the loins apart.

and he got up
and his computers hummed
and the cats stretched
and his email blinked
and his tooth still ached

so he blogged.
but then he got bored right on
the 67th line

Posted by ruzz on August 13, 2004 at 04:31 AM in jesus says parables rock | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Sunday, August 08, 2004


20040806_232039_0005_resizethere was a man.
there was a weblog.

there was a man and a weblog.
early in the afternoon he would rise.
late at night he would set.
and still, a weblog.

and when the others saw this
they cried out to the man
and some other things i couldn't quite hear
which are probably important to the parable

i apologize profusely.
i often forget my notary.
or, whatever it is they call those tongueless women who
record court cases

and why are they always women
or perhaps
given my clear fetish for tonguelessnessishness
i only notice when it is women.

you get my dift

and the man spake back
with great fire and passion
silencing all who heard him
and even me, who did not quite hear him
so you can see what he said was clearly something

once again. many apologies.
i guess i'm not as good at parables as i once believed.

but still
there was a weblog
a man
and a number of empty lines.

only now
there were silent people

as well.

though none i noticed had dictaphone type apparatus.

be well and prosper my children.

for those who can discern the true meaning of this parabale are almost certain to find their way into heaven. or maybe just
tied to my bed.

Posted by ruzz on August 8, 2004 at 04:20 AM in jesus says parables rock | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Sunday, August 01, 2004


a young monk walks up to an wise old monk and asks "sir, if i meditate for 10 hours a day how long will it take me to reach enlightenment?"

the elder monk replies, "perhaps 10 years"..

the young monk raises his eyes in understanding and says, "and if i meditate 18 hours a day?"

the elder monk smiles a knowing smile and replies "perhaps 20 years"

the young monk shakes his head and says "thats fuckin bullshit man. Your math is as ass backwards as your countries stance on human rights"

the elder monk nods.

the young monk says "sir, one more question?"

the elder monk nods again.

the young monk asks "how many days does it take a ruzz to alienate his readership if he blogs 10 blogs a day "

the older monk chuckles at the naivete of of the young monk and says "why, three only... of course."

the young monk takes note and asks "and if he only blogs once per day?"

the older monk chortles and says "still three only my boy. is it not obvious?"

the younger monk gives pause and reflects on the depth of this insight.

a moment of sacred silence passes.

follwed gracefully by the sound of a young naive monk beating an old wise monk to death with his left sandal.

Posted by ruzz on August 1, 2004 at 03:25 AM in jesus says parables rock | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack