Saturday, November 20, 2004

g

g,

wurd homie. you were bang on about the using polymorphism thing. i reworked the module loading to make an assload more sense. thanks for sending peter down to help with the reverse multidimensional arrays, that kid can code.

now, just have one request--send chocolate and a movie for when my head explodes.

thanks oh so holy bum.

r.

Posted by ruzz on November 20, 2004 at 09:03 PM in blogs to an uncaring deity | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

dear god

good day. thanks for the timbits.

wait. that wasn't god..

Posted by ruzz on October 26, 2004 at 02:55 AM in blogs to an uncaring deity | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Monday, September 13, 2004

Dear God: A request from your humble ruzz.

G man.

i'm sorry i haven't blogged to you in a while. You know how it is. When things are pretty good around here i don't need a fictional character to help me through my days. well, that's not fair. I always need a fictional character, but some days it isn't the one people describe as you.

anyways, listen to me ramble on like granny at an effin bake sale. look. i'm writing you now to make a small request. I know my record with you is a bit.. shabby. i know i said if you let me shag that super fine mama i would convert legions. i say all sorts of shit though, and i figured, you know, you're god, so you should know when im outright lying to you.

and if you didn't. Turn in your robe.

but hey, the request.

Could you, would you, pretty please with sugar and spice... could you do unto mel gibson as he has done unto our boy christ?

The Passion of The Christ. Wow. Bad. if i was rating your fuckups on a holy holy scale man, i would put allowing this movie to exist right up there with letting our brother saul load up his epistles with homophobic hate literature. serious.

i'm going to even farther and say, if wasn't fertile soil for the seed of the lord, i might be sippin the last drop of my cup o faith, yo. really. that bad. it's a strong argument against you even existing. cuz, well, i would think you would be sorta protective of the image of your only son.

i would if i had a son.
i think most would.

i can say, because i know how you hate all the negativity, being a god of endless love and forgivness (so says Jman much to the chagrin of those wiley jews) that i dug the awesome revelation of jesus' hidden super powers. wurd on that one.

it's not written anywhere that i've read, and you know how much i've read, that jesus could store the blood of 27,000 men in that tiny effeminate bod of his. nope. never read it, but mel made me a believer. Litre after Litre. amazing.

you do metric up there dontcha?

and the other thing. the thing about the superfuckinstrong hand flesh? wow. that was a zinger i didn't see comin. I know it must be true, cuz i saw it with mine on eyes. they put those big ass nails right through the palms of his hands and then strung him up, and i was just rivited to see what they would do when his body weight tore the nails right clean out of his hands.

never happened.
that jesus. tough fuckin hands.

all the other people the romans crucified had to be nailed through the wrist bones to keep them up. but i guess they just looked at him and knew. this kid, he can take it.

and i liked the bit about the blocks too. the blocks under the legs. how they pretty much defeat the point of crucification which is a breaking of the will with the penalty of death. see, lots of good folk died on crosses and they just plain ran out of strength to hold themselves up, and when they did, they quickly ran out of air because their lungs couldn't contract to draw air.

them romans knew what they was doin.

but i guess jesus was a special case. hell i know he was. and mel, well mel knew it too, didn't he.

i think maybe we ought nail ol mel up now. watchin that gave me a big hankerin for a crucification and i was plannin on bush. but now, i figure its only right to end mel. just fuckin end that self absorbed, uncontrolled plight on the face of filmmaking while we still can.

while we can still remember braveheart and payback.

i hope it's in your plans to help me fuck that aussies shit right up. but i will understand if it aint. who is ruzz to question your will? if your on the same page as me, and i expect you will be, seein as your smart and all, i say we put up everyone who fucking cried in that movie too--excepting the people who were crying over the bad edits, of course.

yeah, lets do those retarded motherfuckers too.

i think i could go on forever god. i'm stone cold mad about this.

i should get to bed.
if you exist you will do whats right. i know it.

ruzz.

ps. if you could, put the loonie i spent on the movie under my pillow tonight. i mean comeon. no one should have to pay to be subjected to 2 hours of gross abuse.

pps. screw the buck. put it under zach braff's pillow. tell him its from me help him make his next film.

pps. tell him theres more where that came from if he spits on mel next time he bumps into him at one of those hollywood shindigs.

Posted by ruzz on September 13, 2004 at 04:58 AM in blogs to an uncaring deity | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

one second god

in case my last post put you off and you have a palmful of smote to smite just waiting.

i do think i ought thank you for the jersey milk bar your prohpet judekyle brought into my life. i think, that deserves some praise and thanks. because life is awful long without jersey milk bars. and i hear the jazz band and their tune about shrouding the afterlife from the eyes of the living and all that, yeah man, i hear every single damn beat of that jam, but life's still pretty long even then.

so thanks big G. thanks for the jersey milk bar. even though you let the hungry go hungry, the homeless go homeless and me go pussy-less, you rock my holy brother.

Posted by ruzz on August 25, 2004 at 03:46 PM in blogs to an uncaring deity | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

God?

God? Are you there? it's me, ruzzgret.

why man. why do you get your joy joy happy happy fun balls off on making me hop through hoops and flaming cheerios? tell me. i think i deserve an answer.

give me a flaming bush or something.
you know.

old school like.

but not really. because, well, if you do something stupid and irrefutable, then i'm stuck with the idea you exist and that will stifle my ability to rape and pillage. i want to be a good soldier. everyone wants me to be a good soldier.

so maybe no flaming bush then.
bush in general is bad
it covers the lips.

ahem.

k, whatever. all i'm saying fuckball, is dood, dood, really... do i need this many balls in the air? is this a skill testing question? does it build <cough> character <cough> or whatthefuck?

y0.

k. i just thought, well, i thought it was a clever opening line so i just rhymed and rolled and shit till i had enough to justify wasting the time to blog to an uncaring deity.

Posted by ruzz on August 25, 2004 at 03:27 PM in blogs to an uncaring deity | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack