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Saturday, October 16, 2004

two in a row

two nights of good solid sleep; leaving my brain clear and my neck raw. two days of high code output meeting internal deadlines; leaving my brain raw and my neck throbbing.

i picked up some extra semi long term contract work today. a local isp is going to start running its php/mysql development work through ruzz. this is good. it won't be enough to sustain on it's own, but it could help push me towards financial stability. it can't hurt.

went through some of my pics from august today, deleted an assload of bad ones, and re-established in my own mind that i have some chops. it's hard sometimes, to resist the pull of technical perfection and find the meat of any particular shot. Like a microcosm of life, every thing in this world pulls us away from the meaning and the meat, and it is so in photography too.

the desire to make "technically strong" photos can crush the art of the thing quicklike. i've decided i need to move away from models, and commercial shoots and try to avoid those situations where a non artist is evaluating the quality of the shot. Or, maybe, just that a shot isn't being weighed on the merits of what it can sell.

unless the object for sale is emotion. or energy. then that's cool.

sometimes, it's pretty hard to keep your head on straight. we all love praise, and we all want to have some form of public success. it's central to our psycho-social engines. and that love of praise is the death of meaning. you get looking at the praise and you take your eye off the ball.

i guess that depends on what the ball is for you. for me, it's something hard to translate to words, but i know it when i see it in my viewfinder, or a print.

i know it when i feel it.

so, i've tracked back to the computer stuff and away from the photography. the lure of money in the form of photos is too great. I hope to make a enough money from programming through focus to get by and have time to learn more about photography. to explore things. to think about things. to try to figure out what i want to show you folks.

thinking and art are inextricably linked, and yet it seems they are meant, through romantic notions, to be polar opposites.

because to think is to be human, to create without thought is
something else?

one more way art has been stolen from our very hands. they make saints out of the great artists, or they make devils out of them, but they never let them be humans. they never let them be people who learnt to translate thought and feeling into art. it's criminal.

but it sells shit.

your brother might write better poetry than cohen, but he doesn't have the mythology cohen does and it aint going to get him laid, no how.

if a regular old human were able to make a master work, then you would be too, and if you are, then everyone is, and if everyone is: it's no longer rare or special.

and since art sells on speculation, rarity, and specialty, it only makes sense.

or they be fucking helmet newton. either way it's meaningless.

anyways, i got a book to read. so you kids play safe. or, if you want to play dangerous, ask yourself what themes re-occur in your life, and how you might speak about those feelings, fears, hopes through creation.

you might be surprised how your brain chugs up some neat shit when you ask the right questions.

Posted by ruzz on October 16, 2004 at 02:11 AM in if i make a good day category, i can prove they exist | Permalink


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