daily ruzz

rumbling

i've been queried and questioned. bad formatting framing banter, and the curiousity is: what's with you and few pictures?

i have decidedly stepped back some from photography, but it's latent, not patent. there are obvious contributing factors--like life. but, more than that, there is a disconnect somewhere. a realization that i had detoured from the path of exploration i was on. Partly attributed to the z2, partly to being an alien in new york. partly because of the shift into everyone just automatically linking photography to ruzz.

i'm not any one thing, and i don't want to be. i like following my curiosity. it doesn't have a preference for a camera, code, paint, words. it goes where it goes, and most days i follow (to my own expense). and while the z2 is a far better camera than my 950, it broke the immediate connection to the result (being digital-slr type) and i have yet to regain my mastery of focal depth and control. in some senses, i wish i still had my 950. it didn't impress the ladies, but i knew it like breathing.

so i've been set back. unable, or unwilling to wrestle the z2 into what i see i end up taking far less emotionally esoteric images and just want to delete it all. which is why i haven't completed my photo essay, or done fuck all with photolush. and, maybe is why i barely pick up the camera.

or maybe, i just don't like the uncertainty as much as i think i do. because, everything is chaos right now, in my mind and life, and some artists (gag) would use the camera to sort it out. me, i just want to kick someone in the balls, or lay under my bed. either or.

i want to record things i will want to recall in the future.
i have some great portraits of some people, people who i no longer have any esteem for and when i see them i hate them, but they are good pictures. what does one do with great images of people they wish they could forget?

it constipates you when you go to push the button.

of course, i'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. thats what i do. you know that, i know it, Saddam damn well knows it.

but thats how it is. i'm not wasting perfectly good finger wiggling energy pushing a button to remember something i would rather forget.

this period, which i spoke to earlier, may be recalled as something like: the unremarkably blah period.

wherein, all my spare energy is spent hunting ghosts, exorcising demons and basically being dragged into the past--rather than creating new anything, memories included.

the kittens are cute though.

annabelle says fuck.

i told annabelle it was almost 2005.
this was her reply.

so this is christmas..

who is ready for november?
who felt october was too short.

when i was a kid, my mom told me "when you get older, the time just flies by." and does it ever. 2004 is almost over. 2005 is looming.

wait. let me say that again.

2005. TWO THOUSAND FIVE.

that means, very soon, this decade is half over.
HALF FUCKIN OVER.

anyone else getting what i'm saying?

where does it go? how did i let my life get derailed for as long as i did?

shit

i accidentally finished COD tonight. gah.

just when i got to the russian missions which are the most fun, because they are a lot more street fighting.

well. shit. now my sanity is going to come into question.

i may have to install htiman3:contracts.
i need to kill things just now.

look

some people don't get where this world is heading, i dig that. but, i don't expect CBC of all people to get it. wow.

they have a new series, that i expect will one day look like orwell's 1984 in retrospect.

it's about a Canada in the future, a Canada with something the US wants. Water. and what they would do to get it.

i don't care if you think i'm a nut, but, when 300+ million future americans need water--and we have it--it won't be a hard sell to talk the american people into supporting getting it at whatever cost.

don't think it's possible? well, look at Iraq--and the world still has a lot of oil. moreover, a human, or an american--i hear some of them are human, right penny--can't go without water.

they buy it now. but, what about when we say "no, sorry, we need it for us." or "sorry, we decided russia would pay more."

yeah.

see pictures below to remind yourself how good we are at solution making.

war is hell kids.

thank god for COD:United Offense breaks. or, well, i would lose it.

yes, that is a half a german stuck on a spike :)

doh.

i'm working on a project, behind of course, and i had this realization that i'm doing this all wrong. I'm running my entire business wrong.

and fortunately i had a simultaneous vision of how i could change the structure of my development/hosting/design process to mean less chunks of income, and more regular income.

which is the real problem. i don't care if you win the lottery, if you get your cash in irregular chunks it's almost impossible to regulate. look at people who take the payout up front and are broke in three years. then look at people who take $150/k a year for 20 years.

this is the trick, i think, to making a small business work like a day job. regulating the income.

so, i have yet another thing to add to my list. i have to really mull it over, talk with people about it, and see if i'm being silly, of course, but in order to do it, i need six months or so to get some stuff in place.

sometimes, being fragmented can pay off.

the most welcome spam ever

have you ever received that spam about the guy in africa, who can't get access to his millions and just wants you to take them out, take a cut and give the rest to him?

zefrank.com has a very witty version of this in video format.

check it out

i encourage you to check out this new photomagazine (go to BZKmag).. not so easy to get around, but good content.

the science of morality

i spent the afternoon trying to persuade some humanity into people driven entirely by skewed "im so sure i'm right" morality that it disheartens me. But, strengthens my resolve.

just because we think we are right, and we think we have all the information.. doesn't mean we do. That understanding is the basis for human problem solving, solution making and in the end--communication.

when these things break down we are forced to try to shove our rightness down others throats. no one wins. just look at the middle east.

but, there comes a time, when you have exhausted all other reasonable means, and then you have to serve up and old fashioned reality check.

it's a shame, but it takes two to work things out.