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Friday, September 10, 2004

trust, the bamboo shoot under the nail of life

sometimes i let my self wander. sometimes i let myself think and feel shit that maybe i shouldn't really think, or feel. people don't get old, they just get tired of being wrong all the time. they get tired of believing in things and being made a fool. thats how it works. it's hell on your skin.

and me. lil ol me. well, i'm having a real hella hard time with this photography gig. i'm so completely overrun with it, and i catch myself, when it's not around, asking if maybe it's not just infatuation.

but then my mind wanders to that joy, the pure joy of the shot you were dreaming of. and how it sticks to your insides. how it makes you forget your rent, and your chest cold, and your fatigue. not too many things in life can do that.

but i'm 1,000,000 times bitten, twice shy.

being an extremist in everything i do, sometimes it's hard to distinguish when you are holding something real, or if you're just lost in something which will fade and die away.

i try to compare my past passions.
i try to put this new love up against the old.

how did those things feel.
what did they mean.

were they false steps or step steps.

does it matter?

it matters.
because i'm an extremist with bad wrists it really really really matters.

i can't stay doing this computer gig for life. i can't. my body won't allow that, and i knew that years ago. and i always kinda watched out the sides of my eyes to see if maybe something interesting and viable was there.

fuck if i know how to go about going about.

and. what if im wrong again.

Posted by ruzz on September 10, 2004 at 02:51 PM in that moment when you just | Permalink


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i know i can only know so much being outside of your head, but i think you've found it, my friend.

Posted by: jude | Sep 11, 2004 2:41:36 AM

maybe. maybe not.

Posted by: ruzz | Sep 11, 2004 5:51:56 PM

Very nice site. Will sure visit again.

Posted by: John | Nov 24, 2005 6:06:40 AM