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Thursday, September 23, 2004

this ol' ruzz

Photo_20040923_142350_0007_resize Maybe i'm just run out. it feels like ive run out. run out of steam. energy. sleep. peace. inspiration. but mostly, focus. a blurry shot is fine if that's what you were going for, a blurry life is too, if that's what you're going for. but is it?

I gotta say, i came back because i was bored and missed a bunch of you folks. i also thought, every now & then i have something interesting to add to the discussion. But, the web has changed since the days i fell in love with it. Blogging has changed. No amount of breaks, or dramatic exits is going to change that fact. it didn't work like this. it wasn't about this.

blogging, for a while, broke down the normal social tendencies to group around ideologies and beliefs. it was about exploration. about marvelling at the freedom we had about scrapping with people because they were idiots, but having fun doing it. now, it's a tool for your friends to laugh at your inside jokes, or keep up with you, or to reinforce how right you are all the time.

i'm almost never right. i make ridicuously poor choices based on my momentary emotions and though i could control most any situation with most any person i tend to play it on my belly and take advantage of an opportunity to learn something about something.

When i returned a couple few months ago, i did it to fuck with you. I admit that. I wanted to play out an imagined role and see if it was any fun. Try a few new ideas out and see what stuck. I did that, i played, and you played. we had fun.

but, clearly, the novelty has worn off. for me too. not just you. and thats not fun.

i'm not wasting my time. time is the only resource i actually posess. you have your SUV's and your D70s and your big screen TVs and i have time.

I'm not crying foul, or whining about how things suck now. but the sad fact is, regardless of how good you write, how interesting you are, how often, or how good, there is a ceiling on who you can reach. that ceiling is implied in the very setup. i'm fine with that i guess. but, it runs you out of engaged readers really fast.

that's fine. you get a lump on your teste. maybe it kills you, maybe it just kills your teste. you never know until it happens. now i know so i'm wrapping up the personal side of this blog.

I will be continuing the photoblog. it will be made the default for ruzz.typepad.com later today. but don't expect nearly as much photography. I've been doing a lot of thinking and it's time to get focused in that realm as well. Which means resisting the crutch of macro yard shots and building myself up so i can get to the work that i'm losing sleep thinking about.

the photolog will become more of a clearing house of photography talk, links, thoughts and the occassional photography.

The daily photo (photo.ruzz.ca) is being taken down. as are the numerous *.ruzz.ca sites. poetry, moments, technotes and whatever else i have floating out there.

I may, if i can delineate between my work and my personal photography, add a blog that contains a personal record of my life. meaning little to most, other than me, but i don't mind sharing that with you, if you find something you like, cool. if not, it won't matter because i'm doing it for me anyways.

don't take this post wrong. if you can.

all i'm saying is life is about experimenting. trying shit out. learning. growing. exploring. i did that here, i don't like the return on the energy. test=failed. but it was a key step for me to get past my romantic notions about myself and the blogging world. now, i'm not giving you folks one drop of extra energy. im not wasting it anymore.

i'm going to put it into what intrests me. helps me. stretches me (like photolush) and if you folks dig it, then everyone wins. but the impetus is off you folks to return the output, because it's no longer for you.

i think it has to make it better for everyone. and if it doesn't, i'm dynamic. i have no problems eating my own words and changing again.

i don't give any worth to being right. only growing, refining, improving.

call that whatever you want. you will anyways.

Posted by ruzz on September 23, 2004 at 03:25 PM in that moment when you just | Permalink

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Comments

I come back with a renewed sense of this whole scheme, and you "go". I just poured a whole fuckton of energy into my project, and my words are back in the ether and you are reining it in.

Ain't that just the way it is. How the cookie crumbles, the cock comes, I mean crows.

I would prefer having some little personal record floating around here, on top of the photos. But that is just me, and I am just one.

Posted by: aden | Sep 23, 2004 7:48:07 PM

sweet, who cares that ruzz is packing it in. aden's words are back in the ether. strike up the band, let's get excited, let's cheer and have a party, and let's thank aden for making ruzz's last post all about her.

and then in two days when she pansies out and her words disappear from the ether we can all have a wake for the loss of her greatness.

Posted by: jude | Sep 24, 2004 3:03:35 AM

Wow...


It was not my intention to make his post all about me. I was trying to be a bit lighthearted and funny. Instead of saying "You bastard! But I understand."

I should have gone with my first instinct. Which was to not comment at all.

I'll just trust that one from now on.

Posted by: aden | Sep 24, 2004 6:27:51 AM

I'm a big believer in job one being taking care of yourself. If you take care of yourself first then you'll have something of value to offer the world.

I'm behind you ruzz, 100%. I also salute your dynacism. If it means you have to eat crow brother you are not alone. I've lived for decades off the crow I've eaten.

Aden, we all know jude can be a dick. I hope you don't let him scare you off. I dig the bat umbrella.

Posted by: Stephen | Sep 24, 2004 8:05:16 AM

I'm going to miss reading the daily ruzz stuff. But I look forward to the pictures still. And I think doing it for yourself rather than for anyone out here makes sense. Good luck with everything Ruzz!

Posted by: Penelope | Sep 24, 2004 8:47:38 AM

that's the coolest thing you've ever said, stephen. it's about time you grew some balls and told us what you really think. too bad it comes at the end of ruzz's blog, and not at the beginning.

if being honest means being a dick, like stephen and i just were, then everyone here should try being a dick more often. it's positive, character building, dialogue opening, and important for freedom. it's also a requirement of being a full functioning citizen -- people's feelings be damned.

i'm proud of you, stephen. (and in case any fools out there think i'm being sarcastic, wipe that delusion from your mind).

Posted by: jude | Sep 24, 2004 11:12:13 AM

p.s. of course your gut instinct was to say nothing aden, and since you say nothing even when you say something that might have been a better option. but i will continue to hope that the writing talent you have (in abundance) will find a voice that isn't wrapped up in self-pity and narcissism -- if you could get outside yourself you'd be a hell of a writer.

Posted by: jude | Sep 24, 2004 11:13:32 AM