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Wednesday, September 29, 2004




Dear Friends;

You may or may not be aware that due to a terrible unnatural disaster the Ruzz has been temporarily listed as an endangered species.

In moving from his natural habitat of the Big Yellow Commune, the Ruzz has experienced great hardship and strife. And we all know that Ruzz’ hate change.

Aside from the rigours of moving his den of debauchery the bureaucracy of the mean corporate giant, Telus, has affected him. Left without an Internet connection for the next two weeks, Ruzz is weak and suffering from a lack of contact with the outside world. Since his income is also directly tied to the Internet, he is also suffering without funds. No funds means no food.

Without food the Ruzz will perish.

This is a dire situation. We here at the Save the Ruzz Foundation are appealing for your help. Please find it in your heart to “adopt a Ruzz” by donating thru PayPal to: director@bigguymedia.com. Your funds, in whatever amount, will greatly help in the preservation and feeding of the Ruzz, and in turn you will experience the warm fuzzy feeling associated with saving endangered wildlife.

Tax receipts will not be issued, but with every generous donation you will receive a genuine, bona fide im ruzz commerative “Save the Ruzz” campaign photo in digital format for your collection (and his undying love and gratitude).

With Sincere Thanks,

Reluctant One
President and Founder
Save the Ruzz Foundation

PS During this time The Ruzz can be contacted thru the foundation at reluctantpoet@hotmail.com

PPS Ruzz’ pencil is large and yellow.

Posted by ruzz on September 29, 2004 at 11:27 PM in things non ruzz' have said | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Thursday, September 23, 2004

this ol' ruzz

Photo_20040923_142350_0007_resize Maybe i'm just run out. it feels like ive run out. run out of steam. energy. sleep. peace. inspiration. but mostly, focus. a blurry shot is fine if that's what you were going for, a blurry life is too, if that's what you're going for. but is it?

I gotta say, i came back because i was bored and missed a bunch of you folks. i also thought, every now & then i have something interesting to add to the discussion. But, the web has changed since the days i fell in love with it. Blogging has changed. No amount of breaks, or dramatic exits is going to change that fact. it didn't work like this. it wasn't about this.

blogging, for a while, broke down the normal social tendencies to group around ideologies and beliefs. it was about exploration. about marvelling at the freedom we had about scrapping with people because they were idiots, but having fun doing it. now, it's a tool for your friends to laugh at your inside jokes, or keep up with you, or to reinforce how right you are all the time.

i'm almost never right. i make ridicuously poor choices based on my momentary emotions and though i could control most any situation with most any person i tend to play it on my belly and take advantage of an opportunity to learn something about something.

When i returned a couple few months ago, i did it to fuck with you. I admit that. I wanted to play out an imagined role and see if it was any fun. Try a few new ideas out and see what stuck. I did that, i played, and you played. we had fun.

but, clearly, the novelty has worn off. for me too. not just you. and thats not fun.

i'm not wasting my time. time is the only resource i actually posess. you have your SUV's and your D70s and your big screen TVs and i have time.

I'm not crying foul, or whining about how things suck now. but the sad fact is, regardless of how good you write, how interesting you are, how often, or how good, there is a ceiling on who you can reach. that ceiling is implied in the very setup. i'm fine with that i guess. but, it runs you out of engaged readers really fast.

that's fine. you get a lump on your teste. maybe it kills you, maybe it just kills your teste. you never know until it happens. now i know so i'm wrapping up the personal side of this blog.

I will be continuing the photoblog. it will be made the default for ruzz.typepad.com later today. but don't expect nearly as much photography. I've been doing a lot of thinking and it's time to get focused in that realm as well. Which means resisting the crutch of macro yard shots and building myself up so i can get to the work that i'm losing sleep thinking about.

the photolog will become more of a clearing house of photography talk, links, thoughts and the occassional photography.

The daily photo (photo.ruzz.ca) is being taken down. as are the numerous *.ruzz.ca sites. poetry, moments, technotes and whatever else i have floating out there.

I may, if i can delineate between my work and my personal photography, add a blog that contains a personal record of my life. meaning little to most, other than me, but i don't mind sharing that with you, if you find something you like, cool. if not, it won't matter because i'm doing it for me anyways.

don't take this post wrong. if you can.

all i'm saying is life is about experimenting. trying shit out. learning. growing. exploring. i did that here, i don't like the return on the energy. test=failed. but it was a key step for me to get past my romantic notions about myself and the blogging world. now, i'm not giving you folks one drop of extra energy. im not wasting it anymore.

i'm going to put it into what intrests me. helps me. stretches me (like photolush) and if you folks dig it, then everyone wins. but the impetus is off you folks to return the output, because it's no longer for you.

i think it has to make it better for everyone. and if it doesn't, i'm dynamic. i have no problems eating my own words and changing again.

i don't give any worth to being right. only growing, refining, improving.

call that whatever you want. you will anyways.

Posted by ruzz on September 23, 2004 at 03:25 PM in that moment when you just | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBack

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

TV goodness

I've had some thoughts on TV recently. As the fall seasons ramp up and the weather goes to shit, tv is more relevant. So, here are some of the thoughts. the ones i could remember at least.

  • CSI Miami: Speedle is dead. you don't like hearing it here, you shoulda watched it. Rory Cochrane (Speedle) asked to be wrote out to persue his film career. wonder if he talk to david caruso bout that one first. it meets a couple CSI objectives. The producers --case you wonder what producers do-- have delcared this year they are going to focus more on the story, more on the characters and their lives ala "the ER good years" and less on the whiz bang lets watch them fill a beaker for 2 minutes stuff. I say, good. good. now, if they hire some people who can write dialogue we may be in business. This hive of crime-drama shows could actually get interesting. Because, i tell you, i'm not that interested in blood spatter patterns or trajectory this or trajectory that. are you?

    i'm interested in people. in experiences i won't have. and i'm interested in the lives of people who deal with the underbelly of our society and how it affects them. show me some of that and make my downloads worth it.

    As an aside, last nights ep was one of the best directed i've seen. The cinematography was startling. brilliant colors and depth.

  • Entourage: people who can't get HBO shows suffer the banality of cable. it's true. i have neither cable nor HBO but i still get whatever i want. I saw the ads for this somewhere, and then saw an ad again in playboy recently and thought i would give it a try. My thinking is quite split on it. It's quickly shaping itself up to be nothing more than a guilty pleasure. Three of the four main characters are interesting, but how far can they take this idea? Consider it like watching reality tv but entirely scripted and shot better. It has the appeal of Nick & Jessica, or simple life, where you get to see inside the heads of someone wealthy or famous, without all the ugly and stupid commentary real famous or wealthy people spit out (Jessica Simpson?). Really, it's a good transition away from reality tv. it gets us out of the tired ass platform which dominates the box now, without really putting us right back into dynasty and knot's landing. a sort of bridge from scripted shows to reality.

    The real issue for the show, as i see it, having watched three episodes, is how will they keep it interesting. I mean, only three ep in and i've had enough of the hollywood party shots. The guys all scoring with super hot chicks every night. the rolling up in the hummer shots. Sell me something new. sell me something i could attain. Reality tv meets voyuerism. All those guys who couldn't be the man are just creaming themselves seeing inside the cloistered walls of celeb sex. But, are we crafting movie stars as 70's rockers? are we saying the new rockstars are young pretty actors in Rolls?

    how vapid are we? I guess i'm pretty vapid because i want to check out ep 4-8 soon. I'm more curious where this will go. can they touch on how rich the life could be, or will it denegrate to the old american morality play where wealth, fame and sex look nice but once you have them they are a burdensome, empty shell you carry on your liposuctioned ass? i bet it goes that route over showing that being rich and heartless can be more fun than most possible lives.

  • scrubs: Heather Graham has brought a sagging show back to life. Aside from her compelling looks she brings a fresh, silly, ditzy but smart flow to the show and i believe it's rekindled several of the cast members.

    Judekyle has said repeatedly, and i agree, that one of the pillars of M*A*S*H's success over the long haul was the revolving door of short new character arcs keeping the show fresh. He's also correct when he says no one does that sort of thing anymore, which is why shows go from brilliant to shite so fast. See ER, Six Feet Under, Friends, and so on.

    It's interesting to see this play out on scrubs. Heather Graham's 10 ep arc will be over in 6 episodes and she has immeasurably improved the show. Can they resist trying to sign her --which is death, btw-- to regular contract?

Posted by ruzz on September 22, 2004 at 04:27 PM in itty bitty bits of nothingness | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack

no title.

blow me.

Posted by ruzz on September 22, 2004 at 02:54 PM in shit you already know, but never do | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack


i be tired. no updates to photolog or photo of the day. bad ruzz.
here. be pleased.


Posted by ruzz on September 22, 2004 at 04:33 AM in itty bitty bits of nothingness | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


"We are such stuff
As dreams are made on and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep..."

--From The Tempest (IV, i, 156-157)

will knew what was going on. he knew. something about the big collars and bad teeth musta told him. whatever, he knew.

nothing is inspired just now. everything has retracted into function. there is no form. there is no forum. or decorum. and only a bit of snorem. weee.

every photo i take is thick with some unwanted substance and i can't seem to shake it. where is the summer we were promised?

and dreams, my dreams. why must i kiss the girls in my dreams. it's an extended and unending brand of foreplay that is bordering on torture. last night, it was some black haired girl with huge smiling eyes, and eyelashes kittens could sleep on. She was younger than me. younger enough to raise an eyebrow or two, i think. But she understood pascal's wager, and that turned me on.

and she kissed like..
she kissed like life should go on forever.

decrepit ruzz.
dirty ruzz.
kissing the young girls.

maybe you have to be alone, really fuckin alone, for a long time to get it. to get the sweet. to dig elbow deep in the emotional muck and realize that so many people have so much they just ignore.

right now it's fashionable in hollywood, and even in general, to talk about loss. loss and sadness. to romantically bind them to human beings which, i suppose, is meant to make them seem more interesting. I saw a photographer's website, with a quote from some middle-america newspaper-writer-who-wants-to-be-bigger saying "each photo taken by [so and so] touches a deep and profound nerve, each photo is filled with a palatable sense of loss, or sadness. Great works of richness and depth" or something very close to that. and i think thats a loss. i think that's sad.

you're all fools if you think there's anything more interesting than a great kiss.

piss your lives away for bmw's or fame, or a spot on survivor. whatever. just don't say i didn't tell you before you did it that there's more to be found within your arm's reach than all the world.

course, i could just be a horn dog.

Posted by ruzz on September 21, 2004 at 03:10 PM in what the fuck | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

uhm. no.

i think, when i just boot up longhorn and it needs 600MB of ram without a single app open, maybe its too beta for ruzz.

so i'm back to xp sp2 and yeah. rebuilding is the worst kinda fun.

but, school of rock is fun.
despite it's misdirected message.

only 800000 more apps to install and lifes normal again.

Posted by ruzz on September 21, 2004 at 02:45 AM in Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Monday, September 20, 2004


in what should become a long series of retarded periods where i go offline, im going offline tonight to rebuild this machine one more time. this time, for kicks i'm installing longhorn to play with it, because there will be a period in a week and a half where i am offline again (connection) and i can rebuild it to xp then if i dont like it.

life, shes just full of gimp opportunities.

Posted by ruzz on September 20, 2004 at 08:18 PM in Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

thank you canada post

in the mail today, i got treats from afar. the naughty nurse aka the reluctant one aka the mischievous one aka jo, made me a birthday card by hand.

take note ladies on how to impress the ruzz.

full images inside, you can, like i need to say this, click on them for larger images

ps. when is that just going to be standard and i dont need to tell dunskies anymore?








and, in case you thought it was too mushy and sweet...

an excerpt from the note attached:


Posted by ruzz on September 20, 2004 at 06:05 PM in the sweet | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack



Any thoughts G?

Posted by ruzz on September 20, 2004 at 01:09 PM in the body politic and my rectum. both stink. | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack