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Thursday, August 05, 2004

why am i up

20040805_074236_0054_resizethe thing is, the thing, it's like this: way back when your ass smelled of diaper (and your diaper smelled of ass) there was shit your mom wanted to break down but couldn't figure out how to explain.

then, when you were older and were all hyper-active and overtired and underslept bouncin off the walls grandma yelling at you "you just sit your behind down mister" there was shit she wanted to tell you then too, but acting like linda blair's aborted fetus on coke sent mama to the bottle instead.

and she woulda told you, if she could, that most days as you got all grow'd up would be like that day. Like, headspinning, and tired, and overhyper and underactive and feeling sure you left your carbonite frozen han solo with little bobby i-live-down-the-effin-street --which is how he introduced himself and his breath always smelled of handsoap. most days, mama woulda said, most days aren't fer shit.

and bobby i-live-down-the-effin-street moved away.

his dad kept parking his car in other mom's garages and bobby i-live-down-the-effin-street said he figured his mom didn't like that. we both just figured it left room in his dad's garage for hockey when it was raining, but we didn't get the metaphor.

i'm not sure i quite get it now.

where was i.

everything in my head is allajumble because i've got only seven hours sleep in two days.
and last night i went to bed at 12:37 (EXACTLY) but tossed
and turned
and thought about code
and thought about life
and thought about not sleeping

and got up around 3:30 for a smoke and to marshall the troops around the idea of actually sleeping.

so i fell asleep for a while and was up at 6am.
and i felt pretty awake. more awake than the average american at least. so i got up, smoked some more, and tried to find the bright side.

because if i don't act like a retard right when i get up, chances are i won't all day.

and the bright side, is the light was great between 6:42 and 7:17 and while i didn't use it as fully as i mightve, i still enjoyed the idea that i mightve.

kinda like sex with a condom.
you got all the motions right
but something is getting lostinthetranslation
maybe like the important parts. the feeling

just that.

so see, if mama had said that it would be like this i coulda prepared some.
i wouldn'tve because i'm pretty lazy, but i couldve.

Posted by ruzz on August 5, 2004 at 08:25 AM in mama said knock you out | Permalink


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awesome post. thanks ruzz ;>

Posted by: veronicalynne | Aug 5, 2004 9:59:44 AM