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Saturday, August 28, 2004

king

i was smokin just moments ago. smokin smokin, y'know. and i was watchin this little blacknyellow jacket wasp inspect the garbage bag left out. and thinkin, this guy, man, he's not afraid to get dirty for his master. he aint worried that the other wasps will think less of him for garbage pickin. nope, doesn't even cross his little wasp mind.

he's commited to the team.
large.

then i got to thinkin, you know, on a pounds per square inch, or size per square pound, or well, just in relation to size vs fear, i'm not sure there is more general public panic over any living thing. Oh sure, some places they have their fear delicacies. no question. Florida and their brown recluse spiders, or texas and their itty bitty bitty scorpions (cuz like women, the smaller the more punch), and even like china and their terrifically tiny capitalists. see. there's always going to be some regional specific thingamabob to rouse the fear of the unwashed masses. always.

but what carries over, what has the real market penetration (ooooh i like that word) is wasps.

I know you're granny don't give no mind to them. She shooshes them away and they listen, but, granny had a lifetime of getting stung and shooshin to really perfect her art. i mean, man, all she had was christ, grandad coppin a feel in between shifts in the coal mine and the wasp shoosh. so really, she could focus on her art.

that's why it looks so casual.

you think if you go out for a night with a trained killer it's all stress and panic? no, he just gives em two hugs n a kiss (two to the belly one to the mellon) and that's that. no stress. no panic. it's old hat, like you thinking about cleaning the bathroom. you've done it enough it just doesn't have the stopping power it used to.

you still get stopped though, dontja?

so, okay, maybe we won't get anywhere with granny "i gave my family fortune to the mormons" or with those human abberations the bee lovers, but on the whole, no other thing on the planet has more fear bouncing between it's tiny translucent wings.

so then i'm figurin, well, if you take that there learnin about fear and you mix it with the new learnin about commitment, you quickly realize that when the two are put together, and you add a dab of direction, well you've got yourself a recipe for whatever the hell it is you like to eat.

you've got a system you could work to rule the world man.
dr. evil style.

see, if i could get to be the king of the wasps (in a loveless-sexless marraige with the queen, i hope) and those loyal as fuck garbage pickin fear packin little bastards were doing my bidding.. well let's just say your virgins wouldn't be safe no more. ya hear?

i figure, maybe after a year of devirginizing nymphs from around the world, putting out a duets rap album with slick rick and coaching the leafs to a cup i would get bored.

but then, you come in. you loyal readers. then you could rule the world through my comments box man. yeah, it would be like, you say, hey, lets rename russia to ruzzia and presto, next day the map makers are IPOing all over the damn place.

we could change the world you and me.

think on that while i try to figure how the hell to get that queen to go down on me without leaving her hind parts embedded in my fun stick.

Posted by ruzz on August 28, 2004 at 03:13 PM in the ramblin | Permalink

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Comments

dood - and I thought I needed to get some!

Posted by: absolut doc | Aug 28, 2004 3:46:40 PM

lol! ;> thanks, both of you! roflmao! seriously, thanks.

Posted by: veronicalynne | Aug 29, 2004 9:14:01 AM

why is it that you feel the need to thank people for their posts, v? it's not being written for you. did you know that?

why not try saying something interesting, making an actual comment? add to the flow. christ.

Posted by: jude | Aug 29, 2004 1:16:33 PM

i think the real question is, why is doc getting thanked! i worked hard to make a funny post and he just points out my pentedupness and he gets equal thanks.

no fair.

:(

Posted by: ruzz | Aug 29, 2004 1:40:48 PM

ha ha

Posted by: absolut doc | Aug 29, 2004 4:25:09 PM

it's what "the little fool" would call a brush with reality -- sorta like roy getting chomped by his fucking tiger.

it's the reality that a one line comment is easier to read and appreciate than an excellent post that has breadth and scope and genuine laughs. cause, see, we can talk about the thanks rather than talking about ruzzia, where they devirginize nymphs while wearing yellow and black sweaters before being called sting, or having your skin rot off after a brown recluse bite.

i still think seigfried sicked the tiger on roy. what's new pussycat? whoa, whoa, whoa-o!

Posted by: jude | Aug 30, 2004 2:37:30 AM