empty

you know what will empty your gut faster than a taco bell special? working yourself to the bone on a deal you made cuz you were pressed for cash and knowing, no matter how great it is the customer isn't going to like it. because this customer doesn't seem to like anything.

and, the repeated ball of stress plugging up my shoulders when i think, if i was being paid the right amount, i could do this like this, that like that, and feel satisfied.

it's like giving tiny peices of your will away.
a bit everyday.

most of the time i just filter this shit right out. I have to because i never seem to get caught up enough to avoid taking quickie jobs that end up being more than i thought.

funny how the paycheque always stays the same.

my mom says me and my father aren't built for business because we are too nice to people.

sometimes shes right. I can think of a few times in recent months where my niceness to customers has been returned, and man was it nice. But on the whole.. my experience is people will take you for whatever they can.

in any case. one way or another im done this stupid flash nightmare tonight.